My side of the sidewalk
If you watch the news, you are shown a way to not like certain people because of who they are, what side of politics they are on, or what they have done There are a few good stories peppered here and there in a newscast but the bulk of the content are reminders of the world being a challenging place for us humans, even in how we may treat each other. In all of this, we begin to develop the reinforcement of stereotypes. We do not intentionally do it most cases, but it still happens. Even though this practice is considered now taboo in the same vein as letting someone know you have racially profiled them, human thought can instantly take over if just for a few seconds. Why do we do this? If you say you do not, I have no other way to say this; you are not honest with yourself or others. You are not a bad person when it happens either. It is based upon factors absorbed by your conscious and sub-conscious mind over years and years of observation. If someone looks shady to you, regardless of how much you fight it, your instincts will take over, and you will have the avoidance program engage. Understand the shady person may have the same feelings about you and we move the needle to neutral. We ALL share in this together. It may have been experiences when growing up. It may be how other family members may have treated certain people in situations. It may be you watched the news, and the profile of the bank robber matches the description of the person in front of you in the grocery line. Conversely, we tend to gravitate to the people and causes you feel comfortable around. The feeling of alignment to a group maintains a strong familial structure. We are happy to see these people and spend time with them. Now, the big question to ponder. If someone were to be walking on the other side of the street and see you and your associates walking the opposite way on the other side, how might they perceive you all? Would they want to join you or contemplate scenarios of running away? Would they have a pre-conceived notion of how you all will act or behave based upon where you work or what profession you are in? If you may not be looked upon or judged in the manner you wish to be, it may be the time in your business to address it. You may be in a profession already riddled with pre-conceived notions and stereotypes. Are you just fueling the fire and diminishing your credibility each time you have to state, “Well I am not like the others who…”? Or do you make the effort to look really at how you can best showcase your talent and style so they see your character beyond what the stereotype of your business may be? If you can do this well, people will want to cross the street to see you, not just keep walking the other way.
If it is a great idea… just try it!!
When things happen, we wonder why. It does take a certain type of person to see the message in everything. The statement “everything happens for a reason” rings true to the person who understands that all elements of life are designed around learning. It is a never ending process, this crazy thing we call learning. If anything, you can always learn what not to try doing again. All types of learning both in and out of the classroom have a cost. The cost of a university education may have a direct monetary element, while learning a lesson on how to deal with a difficult person may cost some humbleness. Both sources of education still have a price. The learning we do in real life has something we can refer to as natural consequences. The natural consequences could be the things we learn from learning what we should or should not do, but continue to do the reverse. It is very difficult to walk the high path at all times. It is the little things we learn that we do not always practice which seems to have the biggest natural consequences. We may be in a small business meeting and hear about how someone sends out get-well cards every time one of their clients is sick. We think to ourselves how great of an idea, we may even write it down. Three months later we still have not done it. We learned something that would help us and never put it into use. What are the natural consequences for this? Who knows, you may see no direct impact, further deterring you from adding it to your work habits. Think of all the great ideas you learn about over the course of a month. Things you know would help you and make you grow your business or personal life. How much time passes where we do not put it to use? We may try things for a few days but it is consistent behaviors that show the mastery of the learning process. The funny little part of natural consequences is how they emerge. It may take months or years to see the consequence of a step or action you are taking. Patience and natural consequences are not often together. By the way….It is possible you may have reflected on the word consequences as a negative. Consequences by definition is only the effect of an action, it has no definitive good or bad notion. Wow, you just may have learned something in this blog you can put into action now. What are you going to today about it?
Why do we let it get old?
Observations of everything around us can lead to significant problem solving ideas. As we share this planet with many other living things, we have some unique properties to our presence. Humans create things out of both “want” and “need”. Almost all other species on the planet create from the basis of “need” only. In addition to food, medicine, tools, and shelter, we will create trends, fads, short-cuts, 30-minute ab programs. Other animals create shelter and use items as tools to eat or capture food out of necessity and survival. We have taken the the ability to explore and create to a whole new level. We were given a frontal lobe and opposable thumbs which makes it seem through “Divine Interference” we are doing when we were built for. Yes, I know, we have gone too far in some other aspects of this as and have abused our privileges. Let us leave that for another discussion. As we create more and more, we often start to let go of the older things. The prime reason my old I-Pod sits on the counter and I use my Smart Phone for everything now. If you walk or drive through a community you will see a variety of old and new. From paint, to buildings, to even how well a parking lot is kept. Some areas keep it old to preserve the “historic value”. Other areas want to tear it all down to become modern. In this, we see the convergence of old and new ideas, yet not always building off of each other. In either case, what was created has a purpose if even for a short period of time. It is often in the moments where you are pondering life situations where your mind can open to see the messages. This bridge for example. I was taking a walk on a business trip and had some down time. I was thinking about all the things discussed in the previous days session. I was wrestling with some issues about how to be more effective, why I had not been as effective in some other things where I could have stepped up. In short, I was really wondering “what the heck is going on with how I do business and why is it a struggle to manage and juggle some of it right now?” You may have thought about this once or twice yourself. Then I see this pedestrian bridge. The bridge is so much more than a bridge in this moment. My first thought is why are they not repairing the bridge and keeping it up to date. I walked across it and there were even some bolts that have rusted off. It was a little scary looking. Next immediate thought was why was this built. It was a great way to protect people crossing this busy multi-lane road and railroad tracks. It made a connection. It sits across a set of hotels and connects them to the beach. It serves a great purpose and was a brilliant idea someone had. Yet, here it is slowly fading and becoming less and less of an inspirational idea, and more of an eyesore. There was the exact observation connection I needed to make. An epiphany if you wish to call it that. How many great innovative things I “had been” doing are just sitting there and growing old. How many brilliant methods I had used to create and support others were collecting dust in my mind? As I tried to find solutions in the “new things” which could help me, I need to take a good inventory of the old things that made me spectacular and respected in what I do. I need to see what systems and ideas need to get a fresh coat of paint, air up the tires, clean off the cluttered whiteboard in my brain. If I start putting these back into use, then I can blend new ideas and tools into them. Posting this on LinkedIn for example. It was a great relevant moment from something most people would barely notice. Look around my friends, often the answers are right in front of you.
A State of RE-Distrubution
Even though I have been re-reading Atlas Shrugged for the last few months, I am not going to express my views on how horrible of an idea it may be to just re-distribute everything among everyone. Whoops, did it already, in the second sentence too. Oh well, we move onward. I have observed most small business groups have trends and clicks that seem to happen. If you are new to a group or just visiting, this may become more noticeable. When you are in the group, you see it but may just not feel how obvious it may look to others. That is until many months go by, and you still do not have a single new lead. For a leads group, it should almost be expected you would get leads. If you are in a business networking group, however, it should not be under the same scrutiny. Networking is a way to get to know people, then over time you see if there are connections you can make. Most great networking groups are filled with people looking to refer to others, not looking at it for themselves. That would have to be a subtle yet effective difference. If I do not get leads from a leads group, then I may feel let down, excluded, even frustrated. If I have not yet referred someone to someone else in a networking group, you quickly understand why you may just watch other people connect. The relevance is it does not matter if it is a leads group, a networking group, a chamber of commerce, or even a civic group; there are always commerce and ideas exchanged. If you wish to become part of this amazing power of distribution and natural form of connectivity, you need to lead the way in re-distribution. Make a few notes at each meeting of what others in the group may need, work at it, get them contacts freely, and watch just how much comes back your way. Sitting there with your arms folded or just not going anymore at all, is the best way of all to prove to yourself that these types of groups do not work. How many people do you see that take this approach are are almost venomous in their attitude about this group that never helped them out? These are the people that just do not seem to grasp the true concept that “Givers Gain”. For something to work, you have to work at it. If you want it to work, make the primary effort to work for the benefit of others.
A Valid Choice
One of the good things about the free market system is the core of the system itself. Anyone can create and deliver a superior product to someone else. Any business person can look at something and change it with their style. Some learn what not to do again while others make a minor change and run it to its fullest. When you have multiple people doing similar things, even the same thing, you have choices. With choices, the free market system is hard at work in its natural state. Some people would question this system as unfair much in the same mode as questions Darwin’s observations in “Origin of Species”. A true free market system should embrace the balance of pro and con, the Ying and Yang, and the understanding there has to be a “survival of the fittest” scenario which can play out over time. When looking at how your smaller business functions and operates, we can guess for a majority, (especially the brick and mortar businesses in a community) free market competition is present. When talking to some business owners about their strategy, they stress they cannot compete with the big chain stores and warehouse stores, and even the on-line stores. When you talk like this, you are defeated before you even try. The choice you are making is to feel “price” is how, why, and the only way you win. This is not a valid choice as there is no way you can have the buying power. The true valid choice is to take an assessment of your ability to deliver what the others cannot. What could be the greatest advantage and make you a free market hero is to look at the area you can dominate in; customer service, knowing all your customers names, being able to order special things and honor special requests, going above and beyond and policy statements, and hiring, aligning, and collaborating with people who believe the same. Let the large stores and businesses battle themselves for a falsehood of values built upon the frail framework of price. If you find yourself still feeling as if I have “missed the point” and you have to offer the best value through pricing because that is the only thing customers want, let me ask this. When you bring home a gift for a child or flowers for a spouse, is their first reaction in what you paid or how it made them feel? Now…you see the power of value you can create, just apply it to your customers and price is no longer the question.
Oh….that REALLY bugs me.
It bothers me, it upsets me, it annoys me. Any of these phrases are very common to hear throughout a given week. Of course, there are many more colorful phrases used as well. There are some serious attitude issues with these types of statements. First, it should be understood and addressed YOU are in full control about how YOU FEEL when something happens. Therefore, when you make statements like these, you are the one who is letting it get to you not the other way around. Second, when you see something that does push your buttons, how you react becomes just as vital. Do you walk away? Do you badmouth others about what you saw? Do you try to jump in and correct it all? If you think about it from a holistic view, most successful people and businesses started with the premise of “finding a solution” not “finding a problem”. If you let more and more things pile up that bother you, it can get harder and harder to find a solution to anything. How dismal can that be? To put my arm around you for a minute, we all go through these times of frustration and just feeling lost in our emotions. We all have these ups and downs, and when we feel down, everything can just seem worse and worse. As mentioned, I would not want to stress a problem without offering a solution. One possible method is to have the word SOLUTION written down and taped to a few areas. Have the word on your dashboard or rearview mirror. Have the word taped to your bathroom mirror or on your coffee maker. It becomes a constant re-enforcement of looking for a solution as part of your reaction. We all get upset; it is what you do with that energy that separates victims from victors.
It just BLOWS!!!
You wonder why a statement like that gets your attention. Even gets your attention to read a blog or two. We have come to use this phrase to reflect all the negative things that can happen. Of course, the same type of phrase can be “it sucks”, but we will leave that one alone for now. You have a situation you are not happy with and as a result in sheer expression to someone else, you will reference that “it just blows”. But why do we say this? More, why is it negative? If you think about it, “blows” is a good active verb. After all, it may not be what you intended but it is still something put into motion. Most people who say this do not feel what is happening is a total disaster. If anything they realize it is just a point in time and not forever. They probably would use many other terms if the situation were dire. If you can, try to turn this statement around for the person sharing it. The next time you hear. “It just blows,” try to make them think positive. Say something like; “Well if it blows, we can use the power to set sail to get us to a better place.” Or “Hey if it blows what you mean is it is going in a direction. It may not be the direction you want, so what can you do to get the wind in your sails on the course you want?” People who just insist on being negative will not be thrilled with your approach. You have the choice to go into the negative turf with them sharing what blows in your life. Misery loves company, right? You can decide to rise above, grab their hand as use some of these phrases to pull them up. The best part of any day is when you can share with someone a positive message. Let the wind fill your sails with staying focused In adding value to society and you might just be amazed by where you can go.
When in Rome???
There is a phrase that most people seem to understand unless you are Ron Burgundy. It has taken on some various interpretations as Romans did many different things. For the most part, it looks like they lived it up pretty well over the top. They had the chance to participate in many different activities, some good, some bad, some just celebrating total brutality and depravity. Is the statement then saying, when you are in an environment where people are acting like this, it is perfectly OK for you to do the same? Or was the original intent of the message to encourage you to live your life to the fullest extent possible? How about this perspective. When you are around people who are acting a certain way or even emulating a stereotyped behavior, you will either assimilate into their world or from the outside you will be judged as being the same. You may be the lone holdout in you holding true to your values in a big crowd of thieves, however, to the people looking at the group, you are a thief. The more you preach you are not, the more one may feel you are just trying to deceive them. If you were of such great moral standard, why then are you hanging out with a den of thieves? I would more reflect the statement “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” may be an even bigger statement as to the phrase “Guilt by Association”. In your world, have you ever looked at the groups and people you associate with from the perspective of this? Have you aligned yourself with groups, teams, and friends who share common values? When people see you affiliated with them, they should have no false reads on who you are or what you have to offer? If not, it may be time to look at where you can fit it. The collective thought process of aligned people is one of the best tools you can have in your personal and professional life.
But does it have this???
In our businesses, we offer to sell a product, deliver a service, consult on an issue, or….I am running out of options here. It does not matter what you are offering. You are offering something in exchange for something else. As much as we would like to conduct business with most of the people we run into; it is probably a given conclusion this is not going to happen. Whatever it is that you do, regardless of however proud you are of it, not everyone is going to want it. They may not like you. They may not like the product. They may not see the use, message, or value. The best possible thing you can do is to accept this and be fine with it. It just is not worth the frustration. What does cause some frustration and can be dealt with, is in the title. Have you ever been talking to people about your product and they inquire if it has this or that or can do this or that. When your product does, we look like rock stars. When it does not have what they asked about what do you do next? First, you need to take a good emotional look at who you are presenting to. It is not uncommon for someone to know details about your product beforehand and purposely bring up something they know it does not do so they can avoid having to tell you no. It is an exit strategy for some meetings. If this is not the case and there is sincerity, you may want to ask them why is that an important feature to them. It may be they did not understand one of the other features in your product addresses this issue in a different way. If we are still coming up short, offer to get back with them and you will address a solution that may include the conclusion you cannot help. If there is agreement, take the time to call others, ask questions, and see what collaborative efforts may get the result. If it is a competitors product that is best suited, then step up and refer the person to your competitor. You will be amazed how the customer reacts and the future referrals you may get back from the competitor. They met with you for a solution. It may not always be your product that fulfills the objective, however, even if you referred it to someone else, you have provided a solution. You are maintaining your integrity, and people will remember that.
The end of my rope
Throw in the towel. The fat lady is singing. Let it go. (not the song). How many times we have heard these types of statements over the ideas, dreams, and plans we have for ourselves. Do we hang around with so many negative people who would inflict these types of expressions on our ideas? Not hardly, just one person….MYSELF. As with all of us, our mind can be the strongest or weakest link in how we stay committed to something. People have referenced it in that past calling it the “monkey mind” or your sub-conscious. This internal dialog you may have with yourself can be the voice and gets you through or the voice that tears you down. How do you control such an animal? A great first step would be to take your internal voice back. You need to find keywords or phrases that can stop the negative thinking in its tracks. Write the word down, tell others what the word is and to share it with you if they see you starting to be down on yourself. I have a really funny story using the word “Pumpkin” I can share with you if you pull me aside one day. Another way to bring you back around is to work each day reflecting on optimism. Think of how something bad has a positive way to spin it. Such an example would be in the title of this blog. People may feel, as I have before, we have reached the end of trying. We want to throw the keys to someone else, turn off the lights, lock up and call it quits. The end of the rope could be you have reached you limit on dealing with “X”, you see no further way you can go on. But what if I shared with you that the wick of a candle is a rope and the end of it is the part you light to create a flame. That flame lights up the room and expresses energy. To a Candle, the end of the rope creates only the beginning of its purpose. If you can learn to see things in a different perspective, the whole world lights up to you. You see options you may have never noticed before.